I feel good. I spent the evening with some ladies from church and I feel encouraged and inspired.

I'm trying to spend more time reading the words of Jesus and less time watching tv. Also I am no longer "seeing" anyone and feel just fantastic about that.

Tomorrow's looking like a busy day. We have obedience school, then the park, then maybe more of the park with a family from church, then out to the farm for the evening, then a bath. Because we all know how dogs smell when they hang out on farms.

I'm thinking again about writing, which is funny, because everything that I write on this site lately is completely moronic drivel. Thanx to the internet I have all but abandoned all that I hold dear, that is, syntax and paragraph construction. I probably couldn't diagram this sentence if my life depended on it.

I take comfort from the fact that one only needs to have a rudimentary grasp of english in order to be extremely successful in the Christian publishing industry. I mean, have you read "The God Chasers?" Seriously.

I just feel that it's imperative that I start spending time writing something, anything, just for the hell of it, until some sense of direction avails itself.

That's all. At ease.

By way of Nathan.

What is that the bible says about the man who achieves peace in the middle east?? I won't say it. ;)

I have been dealing with a lot of confusion lately. I've been facing a fresh rash of childhood issues, and dealing with them as best as I know how as they come up. Good friends are praying for me. My church is supporting me. I lack for nothing and I am believing truth about myself and my past.

In the beginning of this, I thought that my emotions and intuitions couldn't be trusted in this area because of the struggles I was having. Maybe that's true. In the beginning I had no emotion but fear. I had no intuition but the logical assumption (based on mathematical probability) that I could hope for no better. I assumed that my fear was rooted in my issues, and that as I dealt with my issues, my emotions would come into line.

I have been begging God to give me clarity and to line up my emotions. I have been refusing the lies in my mind and going instead to God. The funny thing is, that the more I do this, the less I want to spend time with this boy, the boy who began it all. My intuition is telling me that there is no future with him.

I used to think that I had no choice but to commit to the first guy to show an interest in me, because I couldn't hope for many to come along. That is so twisted. No wonder I felt the way I did. No wonder a date feels almost like a chore.

I still don't know. I'm not sure. I feel like I'm finding a glimmer of clarity, and my intuition is returning to me, and I'm beginning to trust it. My intuition, after all, has seldom steered me wrong. All of my worst choices, in retrospect, were made in spite of my intuition.

So we'll see.