Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I always find it surprising when intelligent people come to different conclusions than me.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Today while driving by the casino I saw a pigeon walking across the street at a crosswalk.

It reminded me of something,namely myself. I've been struggling with the memory of being a very creative and expressive person. There was a time when I was constantly writing, drawing, creating, dancing, singing. Somewhere along the way, that creative chip in me short cicuited, suffocated. All of a sudden I feel as though I'm waddling along when in fact I was made to fly.

On Friday, for the first time in probably a year or more, I sat down and wrote something that wasn't a blog post. A page or so of prose, a reflection on the condition of my creative heart. That page brought clarity, if not solutions.

I realized that I've been robbed. And why not? If I was Satan, I'd rob me to.

So what does the bible say about thieves? Last I checked, according to God's standard, thieves were required to pay back what they took, anywhere from seven to ten times the amount. If my memory serves me correctly.

So today I'm encouraged. I expect recompense.

I think that on some level this has everything to do with the nagging sense of loneliness that I've dealt with as long as I can remember. I've experienced it in enough places, surrounded by enough people, that I understand it to be an internal, spiritual condition, and it revolves around my relationship to God. With all the noise in my life, and all the distractions, how can I hear God. He is the only one who can touch that spot. I've known for quite some time that I was created introverted, that I was given a personality that thrives in solitude, but what I tend to neglect is that the solitude is meant to be filled with God's quiet whispering. Instead I fill it with white noise, because I feel lonely, and I want company. So backward, so counterproductive. Even now I've got the tv on. I'm an idiot.

So I see a plan of action availing itself to me. Do you? Once again, I find that life, though difficult, is incredibly simple.
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