Thursday, November 18, 2004

Let's see. I've been working on my guitar. That's about it. Might be working this saturday, which means I'll be pushing the boundaries of my carefully monitored down time..... Lord help me transcend the limits of my personality....

Oh no have I put myself in a box?

Who cares? I need my down time. I don't really want to work 10 hours of overtime, go to youth, get together with a friend for a movie AND go to church all in the course of two days!! For some people, that's commonplace, but for me that's a formula for a breakdown. This will require careful navigation.

I've been staying up late every night this week. It would appear that I am tired every morning, regardless of my bedtime. Logic would conclude that I might as well make good use of my time by watching tv instead of laying in bed. Watching TV is practically sleeping anyways.

I must have a columbia house membership but first I need some of that columbia house junk mail. how can I get some of that? seems like it used to be everywhere, but now I want it and I can't find it. What an aggravation. I must have movies..... I love movies....

That's it. Now I'm ready to sleep. Soon as Malcolm in the Middle is over.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Well I've been watching Freaky Friday, and I have to say I find it interesting how the best performances were given by the younger members of the cast. I mean, you'd think someone like jamie-lee curtis could be more convincing, but then maybe it's easier to act up than it is to act down. A grown woman behaving like a self-obsessed teenager is likely come across as a retard, no matter how good the acting. Which presents another line of thought..... like, if teenagers saw their behaviour in an adult, would they notice the aspects of their behaviour that could be disposed of.

Lindsay Lohan reminds me of my childhood friend, Jamie, on account of all her freckles and her voice. I haven't seen Jamie in a few years, and before that, only occasionally, though growing up we were tight. I still remember her phone number, and occasionally think about calling her before reminding myself that we ran out of things to talk about a long time ago. It's too bad, because she was good company. A little bit oblivious perhaps, but the only other girl I knew who was semi functional in a wilderness setting, which was where we lived.

While I'm thinking about ancient history..... no never mind, this rabbit trail could get quite exhaustive. Suffice to say that I enjoy Lindsay Lohan as an actress though I hear she's a real bag in real life. I don't know, from what I hear, it's possible that Hilary Duff is the bag, and Aaron Carter (nick carter?? I don't know, that little generic boy) is a man whore, or maybe real-life teeny bopper hollywood is just the inspiration behind "Mean Girls" which I have to say amused me quite thoroughly. It also has Lindsay Lohan, who also occasionally reminds me of Frankie Muniz. Maybe they're both from the micky mouse club or something. Maybe they're secretly dating.

And on we go..... had an interesting conversation with a lady at church today that really reminded me of God's tricky orchestration of my life (read: everyone's lives, but right now we're talking about ME). It brings to mind the words of Rafiki "It's hard to miss God if you're paying attention." The conversation touched on a number of subjects but primarily inspired me to start giving some real prayerful consideration to to my goals for the near future regarding church involvement and youth leadership. I've done the thing where you attend.... I don't like it. It's pointless. Might as well sleep in..... but if church becomes something you are, as opposed to something you attend.....

It brings me back to the timeless question of what church is and what it's supposed to be like. I know all the bible school answers and I know all the frustrations with how it usually winds up playing out. I AM the church, and so are you, but when we get together to DO church..... will I sit in the chair till it's over, or will I contribute to this thing that I don't understand?

And what about my obvious calling to youth ministry? I've been bucking that one for a long time, but now here I am, a "youth helper" in my church. Will I finally embrace leadership or will I continue to evade the topic that God has been bringing up with me.... functioning in the things He's built into me. To neglect the gifts He's given me..... it's spiritually irresponsible. But what a fantastic struggle to rediscover and put to use those things that I haven't even thought of for so long.... I feel like I've got a lot on my plate right now in a lot of ways, so I'm glad that my life isn't too complicated in the way of jobs and family and friends. I finally have the room to sort these things out, to pray about them, think about them, write about them.

Tonight I'm really thankful for the path God has brought me down, and that He's blessed me with so many wonderful friends and mentors, a wonderful home and roommate and church and job.... God's provision is truly gracious. I need to keep that in my memory on the days when I'm down.
my site feed
powered by blogger