Friday, September 16, 2005

I've been isolating certain mindsets, lies, and self preservation tactics that have been complicating my interaction with planet earth. It's funny how a small, select group of childhood incidents can manifest in so many different handicaps. I thought I had dealt, but old irritations become a whole new monster in fresh situations.

I think that most of us don't realize the weight that the words of our fathers carry. A positive word from my father can bring me so high, but the negative things that he speaks do so much damage. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me the way he does, he doesn't understand the power of his words. Maybe he thinks that because he was never around, he doesn't carry the weight of "father" to me. But he does. It's difficult to align your thinking when the words of your father contradict the truth of God.

For example, I go to a housegroup dominated by married individuals. In fact, I am the only person there who has never been married, thus, I am constantly barraged by jokes about "when am I getting married." I was wondering why I so easily came back with sarcastic comments about the grief of marriage. In fact, it was getting worse and worse, until one day I remembered something my dad said shortly after my stepmother attempted suicide.

"Don't get married, it's nothing but bullshit."

Of course I recognized that he was speaking out of deep hurt. Of course I understood that my dad is not an expert on the subject of relationships. Still it affected me. It shouldn't have. But what goes up, must come down, and a father's words speak volumes, even when they're wrong.

So I'm learning where some of my mindsets and hangups come from and questioning God about how to correct the matter. Honestly, I knew the time was coming, and I think it has now come..... I must confront the next rash of mental and spiritual reconditioning. I had a nice respite. Things have been fantastic, and will continue to be. But if I'm a bit bitchy in the future, now you know why. I might not have much to say here, but if something comes up that I think is applicable in a general sense, I may pass it on.

Now I must sleep. You should too.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Some students from south Carolina drove a little four door into new orleans and evacuated a bunch of people. Read the story here.

Thousands of people sitting in squalor because for some reason the government can't accomplish what these guys in their two wheel drive could. Makes you realize just how close we all are to 3rd world-ness.

link via The Heresy

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It would appear that we have successfully weaned Abu off the kennel, and she now stays home alone all day with full access to the whole house, yet destroys nothing. Fantastic. She did great at obedience school too.

I have a headache. I've got some things on my mind.

Sometimes it seems like the things which come so easily to so many people are foreign and uncomfortable to me. This hardly seems fair, and I object quite strongly.

The song in my head is Swan Dive by Ani Difranco, one of my very favourite songs and one that lends me courage as I navigate the treacherous relational waters of planet earth.


Sunday, September 11, 2005

Bad Guy: I see your stick is too short to win.
Jet Li: If yours were harder it wouldn't bend like that.

Hahahahahahahahah. Mwahahahahahahahahahaha.

I went out today. With a boy.
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