Friday, December 19, 2003

Online dating sites. What do you think?

Somewhere along the way I wound up putting a profile up at (I know I know, cheesy christian exclusive site, but I can't deal with the sex in our culture) and now every once in a while they throw me a couple more free days just to keep me interested.

It feels like shopping for men.

And that seems really sick. Hmmm.... hair color, age, eye color, height, weight, nope don't like that picture.... next? Hmmm.... non denomination, wants kids (that's no good) NEXT!! Hey now, here's a nice picture, but he takes public transit......

And you just know the guys are doing the same thing, and the girls are posting pictures to cater to their predictable tastes (tall, skinny, blond, stupid) and then people are actually engaging in RELATIONSHIPS through chat rooms, breaking up, and then crying about it on the prayer page (Oh God please heal my heart from my relationship with so and so after what he said in the chat room)....

give me a break.

Why am I still there? I'm window shopping. I have no money, I have no time, I have little interest. Just looking. He's cute, he's not, too tall, too serious, too broke.... what should I blog about today.... I don't know, look at some more pictures. Are these real people? Can't be.

Yes hello. You're from Nigeria? You'd like to marry me? Okay whatever, would you like to know my name? I won't tell you until you learn english.

A relationship without communication would never work anyways.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

It's hard to describe the way I feel tonight.

Really..... aware.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the things about myself that I need to improve but tonight I was able to step back and see that though self improvement (for me) will always be an ongoing process, there are things about me that are good. Things that are inherent to my nature, and have been as long as I can remember.

It seems like so much about our culture is dedicated to convincing us that we have no goodness, that we always need something more in order to be good or to have enough or to be functional.....

But we are not assembly line products. God shapes and molds and crafts us into these exquisite creatures, equipped with all we need to minister to Him and one another, and from the moment we are born, our tools and accessories are stolen from us, and our reflexes are hindered, and we are battered and bruised and broken before we even get going.

And so it's always a battle, it's all we've known, trying to find those things that God gifted us with at our conception, always trying to reclaim that which has been stolen and relearn the skills that we were born with, until we can finally, after years of searching and experimenting, serve the purpose we were given.

It has been Satan's goal from the beginning, to steal, kill and destroy. Tonight I'm very aware of this, and it makes me angry and frustrated.

Part of my "no worry until the new year" goal is not getting angry or frustrated about things over which I have no control, so even as I'm beginning to get riled up I'm trying to shift my focus.

Today someone told me something good about me, a skill that I have, and I knew in my heart that it was true, and it was a tool that I had finally found after scrounging about in the mayhem for what had seemed like an endless eternity.

Could we all just stop and think about those things that God made good about us? I think that by doing so we would score a great victory.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this here before.... but the topic of red-light cameras has jumped back into my brain since seeing an ad for this product which makes license plates invisible to photo-radar cameras.

There's been quite a bit of debate going on over the ethics of photo-radar. The self-righteous spout their "just don't speed" sermons until the day they get ticketed for going slightly over the speed limit on a deserted street in the middle of the night in perfect driving conditions. Then they change their tune. They become naturally indignant because they feel they're being unfairly exploited.

We are told that the camera's are to make the roads safer, but we know that can't be true. A photo-radar camera, after all, cannot discern road conditions, cannot take into consideration a driver's record, does not flash drivers who change lanes without signalling, or drivers who suddenly hit the brakes to avoid getting flashed.

Essentially, photo-radar would be a complete waste of tax dollars if it wasn't for the massive revenue it generated...... therein lies my fury. After all, it was us, joe public, who paid to get the damn things installed (by no choice of our own, mind you) and then it is us who promptly pay tickets for driving safely (albeit quickly) through abandoned intersections (I'm not talking about running red lights). This would be far less infuriating if we didn't know that the revenue generated by these cameras is worked into city budgets, meaning not only that they plan to make cash with the cameras, but that they depend on it.

So is safety really the priority?

You be the judge. I am a reliable and safe driver, and yet I have been dinged by these cameras too many times.

So does anyone know anything about this "photo blocker spray"? I'm thinking of investing.

additional reading

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Someone who doesn't know me had a dream about me.

My fame is far reaching.

I simply stopped breathing, and continued staring at her, dead.

What universal meaning do you suppose that carries?

I think...... none. Except that it's a pretty good description of my mood, which is more or less influenced by this killer headache that I woke up with.


I told myself after Rupert got voted out, that I would not be satisfied with any of the other survivors. If it couldn't be Rupert, it had to be Sandra, or I'd never watch again.

So..... cool. Goodnight.
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