Saturday, March 19, 2005

I've been learning what it means to make God the Lord of my life. This is not just because that's the subject of the devotional my roomie and I have started. This is a topic that God has been bringing into my awareness in exponential degrees. How else, after all, could I find myself living in Regina?

At some point, each one of us has to come to the understanding that the world does not revolve around us. At some point, I have to stop complaining that things aren't going my way and start questioning my belief that God has some sort of obligation to make my life a resounding success. Somewhere along the line, God's deeply personal interest in my life has to become less about me getting my own way, and more about God getting His own way.

This needs to start with the assurance that God is completely good. If God is completely good, then I can be sure that Him getting His own way will directly benefit me, even if I don't get everything I want. I have to consider the possibility that I will find the things I thought I wanted to be dry, bitter, or cumbersome, and the things God wanted to be refreshing, exciting, and liberating. I have to come to the heartbreaking conclusion that all the things I wanted can burn, and the things God wants can prevail.

So. It all boils down to trust, doesn't it? How much do you trust your God? How well do you know Him? I think that the answers to these questions reveal themselves in the way we live our lives.

I say that I'm at a crossroads in my life because I'm facing the moment I give up on my dreams in favor of something I can't see, but trust that it's better. I've always known what God made me for, but I thought maybe there was something different. Maybe something that required less discipline, less solitude, less responsibility. Maybe I could choose what I wanted, and succeed at that, and be happy doing that thing that I chose for my life.

Or maybe I'll be happiest doing the thing that I was made to do.

Easier said than done. My future is as unclear as ever, but I'm learning that small things are the key. To excel in the small things is to build a bridge to the big things. I have less direction than ever, but somehow I feel far less lost.

And my family's coming to visit, and the X-Men are cool.

So now you're all happy. Thanx for the votes.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Well, it's St. Patrick's day but it looks like Chistmas, and I refuse to wear anything red or green. Outside it's blizzarding, or at least snowing and blowing at the same time, which in the middle of March counts as a blizzard just because it's so damn infuriating.

I have finally wrapped up a month's worth of very expensive complications regarding the safety certification for my car, and as a result I am overdrawn on my account for the first time since moving here. There's more good news in that sentence than bad, but I'm still kinda disgruntled due to the aforementioned complications, so I won't celebrate until I am safely insured, my manitoba insurance cancelled, and all caught up on payments that had to play second fiddle to the tyranny of bureaucracy. That's not really a paradox, by the way, it makes perfect sense.

In the meantime, I am at something of a crossroads in my life, thus, my silence over the last week. I believe the term I'm looking for is verbal constipation, and I'm not sure I'm over it quite yet.

So..... here's a list of things that I wanted to cover and may or may not cover in the near future.

Fight Club..... good movie
family coming to visit
why my pastor ROCKS
doing devotions with roommate
God says what He always said and I finally pay attention
Giving up

If any one of these topics interests you, feel free to let me know and I may make a post just for you. In the meantime, this is gonna be the first time all week that I get to bed before 11, rendering me a conscious and capable functional living human being, as opposed to the undead zombie that's been lurching to work the past week.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. I plan to wrestle myself back into a writing state of mind. Hopefully, this will not be disastrous.
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