Clark was talking one day.... she said she believes everything happens for a reason, and then she went on to wonder what on earth could be the cosmic purpose for our having adopted a pregnant dog. What were the odds that out of all the dogs at the pound, the dog we adopted would wind up being pregnant, through no fault of our own. Had we known, we might not have adopted her, and besides, that day we were planning on adopting a three legged dog from Petcetera, which just happened to be gone when we got there.

A possible solution to the mystery, albeit a self-centered one, availed itself to me today, and it very nearly brought me to tears.

I mean, here I am. It's my birthday. The last two weeks have been hellish. My family is going nuts. I've been so stressed out that I had to take a day off just so I wouldn't break down in tears at work. Happy Birthday to me, I thought...... just another crappy birthday that revolves around my messed up family and all their stupid problems. It's true, I never make a big deal of my birthday, but even if I spend it alone, I would like it to be my day. My day to do what I want and spend with who I want and think about the things I want to think about.

Yes, part of me feels guilty for wanting my birthday for myself. But I'm not asking anyone else to worry about it, I just want to have the freedom to make it my own day. Instead, I can hardly choke down all the tasty cakes on account of all my concern over my stepmom and the fact that her doctor has sent her home with a brand new bottle of pills. That doesn't seem fair to me. Shouldn't I get just one day? Is that too much?

These are the things that were spinning through my mind yesterday, though it wasn't my birthday quite yet. I was angry because the worries on my mind weren't mine to carry, and I was angry that my stepmom had the nerve to call me and rag on my dad and make me all crazy and then tell me to have a good evening and say goodbye all sweet and psycho sounding.

And then there were puppies. I had been begging Indy for puppies all day. After all, I had the day off. I took her into the room each time she seemed to be going into contractions. When Clark came home I went out and fished some cardboard out of a dumpster and fashioned trashy looking makeshift home for our new additions. The activities were a blessed distraction.

Late last night the first pup came..... and all was forgotten.

Watching puppies be born..... watching instinct take over...... so beautiful and so disgusting at the same time..... I had decided that I was keeping one of the puppies quite some time ago.

So happy birthday to me!!! I get my puppy. No, I don't get to go pick out a puppy on my birthday, but my puppy is born in my home on my birthday.

At the time I just reacted to my life..... one moment devastated, one moment giddy with glee.... but then at work Nancy pointed out the slight detail of timing. "God knows" she said, or something to that effect...... and it got me thinking...... what could possibly take my mind off the trouble with my family..... and what would have to happen to bring a litter of pups right when I needed them most, on my birthday no less.

A lot of details had to come together, as minute as a pup running away from home in the north end, someone deciding they wanted a three legged dog. Everything down to the day Indy got knocked up, and the pups were born this morning.

We were talking at housegroup about that Passion movie, about Christ's sacrifice, about all that He did for us. Right now it means so much to me that God thought so far ahead to orchestrate my puppy.

It's the little things that are big. Though my heart aches for my family and the stress is no less, at least there's the snuggling softness of a little black bundle nuzzling my neck. That is endless comfort to me.

Soon I will learn to leave my burdens with God. Until then it helps to know that amidst all the chaos on this planet, He stops to comfort me in the way He knows will comfort me best.