Well......

Do you really wanna know?

If not, leave right now, because I have to say it.

.......

They finally did it. They locked her up. They committed my basket case stepmom. She's in Selkirk. She likes to get loopy and call my dad, tell him how everything's great and she doesn't need weed and she's getting therapy and she'll be home by friday. Then she calls her friends and threatens them to convince them to bring her weed. They let her out during the day and she spends my dad's money on nipple piercings and other stupid shit.

Everyone thought I'd be the first one in a rubber room.

Here's the stupid thing. Her doctor hasn't contacted my dad, so my dad doesn't have the foggiest idea what's going on, except that she calls him with her nonsense. It's so retarded. How could they not tell her husband what's going on? Who are these crackheads, anyway??

I'm trying to track down her doctor but the folks down at the mental hospital aren't being overly helpful. Retarded.

Retarded shit.

My stepbrother is coming over for the weekend. To get some time away. Don't know how that's gonna work. We'll see. Maybe Chifunda can take Pooky and then my dad can sleep the weekend away and not have to worry about taking care of anybody.

I'm so glad I'm only working one job this week. I knew if I called home I'd get stressed out...... and I did. I am.

I have to know right now where to draw the line as far as my involvement with my family goes. I need to know exactly how far my responsibilities reach. Boundaries.... boundaries.... where are my boundaries?

And how can I stay on my side of the line when my family is hurting?

Someone had suggested that my dad leave Pooky with some family friends and go stay with his sister for a bit, but he told me that he refused to leave Pooky. He said he couldn't do that to him. A lot of stuff that my dad said on the phone today really illustrated how my dad has changed so much since I was Pooky's age. He's grown a lot as a person, but he's in such a rough place right now. I'm afraid of what this will do to him.

I'm just really at the end of myself, as far as my family is concerned. I'm tired and scared and sad and frustrated and angry. My poor brothers.... they deserve better. They deserve security and warmth and consistency. It's not fair that they don't just automatically get that. It's not fair that they have to spend the rest of their lives getting over the traumatic stuff that happened when they were young.

So stupid. So maddening.

I just don't know where to leave myself. Where to go. What to say. Arg.