Wednesday, October 22, 2003

I was supposed to be the one person she'd never have to forgive."

It's condemnation and guilt that I've been feeling and as I identify the voices, I'm obtaining a measure of clarity.

The first thing that became clear was that I've taken on too much responsibility for something which does not need to be, nor should be, on my shoulders.

The second thing I came to grips with is that yes, I am angry. So angry that it interferes with my prayers, and I need to forgive her.

The third is regarding unhealthy soul ties....... yes I went to bible school, and I know the lingo, I just usually choose not to use it...... soul ties seem awfully explanatory to me but if you've never heard of this before it has to do with attaching yourself to someone on a spiritual level..... sometimes it's good, but in this case, it was bad. Thus, it needs to be broken, that is, in order to relinquish my feelings of responsibility and condemnation.

So that will be a tough prayer and I'll get to it maybe..... tomorrow? The night is quickly evaporating, which brings me to a completely different issue...... my chaotic sleep stealing dreams, the ones that have been relentlessly pursuing me for the last two weeks. At this point, I've been napping during my lunch hours because I am simply not getting enough rest at night, and that's with plenty of actual sleep......

I've been finding myself afraid to go to sleep, thinking that one of these nights the chaos will turn to horror, so I need to make a point of praying about that before bed..... if anyone else would like to pray about that, it would be greatly appreciated. If I was better rested, I'd feel a lot more capable of handling all the other stuff that's been on my mind.

Regarding the issue of Prayer vs. Free Choice....... Here's what I've come up with, with some help from Rick Joyner.... I can't remember the name of the book but I read it a long time ago and recently remembered some noteworthy details that I thought I'd share.

The problem is that people make decisions based on information given to them and a lot of the time that information comes in the form of lies whispered in their ear..... I'm getting into some spiritual warfare stuff here which is mostly abandoned territory for me but I'm just gonna jump right in cuz it's that important to me..... if the lies weren't being whispered then the decisions would be better informed...... right?

So perhaps I'll alter my prayers to be a little more strategic, and go after the voices. I'll have a talk with God about maybe slaughtering those demons. If you translate spiritual concepts into something logical and tangible.... something economic...... (I should have been a Vulcan) then it only makes sense to eliminate the excess cargo from something that's intended to rise. Or, imagining the individual targeted to be a horse, sniping the rider would leave the halter with free reigns which could then be seized by a more compassionate Master.

yes?

Again, pictures.

What I have now is a plan of action. I feel better. What do you think? It's kinda like spiritual mapping, which I used to read up on a lot.

Hey Clarkie, remember that night you don't remember..... the night we met?? You prayed for me about spiritual mapping. Weird, hey?

wow. long post. I'm done for now...... for now. I mean, dude, there's just so much.

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