I was driving on main street, on my way to pick up a friend for our creative journalling class, just singing along to my ani difranco cd, minding my own business.

I notice that the car beside me is keeping my speed, not passing, and I have a pretty good idea what's going on. Unfortunately for the poor shmucks in the grey beater in the next lane, I don't feel like playing this game.

So I turn my head to look at the black dude hanging out of his window making kissy faces in my direction, and then I hit the brakes.

As the guys figure it out and slow down as well, I step on it. Buzzing right by them, I switch lanes and pull in front of them, then proceed to weave my way through traffic towards the turnoff.

There's something so unappealing to me about this situation, so much so that I instinctively give guys the brushoff. Sometimes I sit in my car at red lights and watch guys on sidewalks follow scantily clad women as they walk by..... and it makes my skin crawl. Heaven forbid I ever become that woman...... I don't want those eyes on me.

Not that I invite that kind of attention in any way. Most of my life people have been mistaking me for a boy. But then on nights like tonight I turn my head and see some scrub guy in some scrub car.....

Gross.

Some days, attraction based on physical appearance feels like a dirty thing. I think this is a result of the warped society I live in. One day I'm gonna get sucked in a relationship of some sort, and I imagine it will involve a certain amount of physical attraction....... and I don't want that to feel dirty...... but it might. It always has.

I'm tired now and I have to go to bed, so I'm not really articulating myself very well..... suffice to say that I had this experience and it made me feel very indignant, and somewhat objectified, and it wasn't even a big deal.

Anyways, hitting the brakes works really well for ditching scrubs. And then cutting them off.