Monday, October 13, 2003

Today in church I learned all about how I'm God's favorite.

But then, so are you.

This is a concept that wasn't new to me, so it wasn't an overly shocking thing to hear. Not that I've allowed this to completely saturate my being..... perhaps I need to give it some more attention. I just hate fluffy stuff...... and this feels fluffy.

I tend to envision myself more like God's inadequate employee. One that's kept around on the basis of personality, as opposed to productivity. Not a satisfying worldview, but an emotionally derived view nonetheless, and who are we as humans to deny our emotions.

If I feel inadequate, if I feel small and unproductive, then I must be. Right? Aren't my emotions reflection of divine truth?

No, they're not. In fact at this point in my life I usually use my emotions as a gauge of what the truth isn't.

I'm not an inadequate employee, or a frightened soldier, or any of those other unflattering things that I've imagined about myself. I am God's daughter, the truest sense of the word, His beautiful daughter at that, one in whom He has placed depths of unexplored potential, and I am the one that He loves best.

And so are you. Unless you're a boy. In which case you're His favorite son.

Makes me think of house group a couple weeks ago when we were talking about the throne room of God. When you picture the throne room, where do you see yourself? I thought about this question and figured I was crouching just outside the circle of elders, keeping an eye on those freaky flying million-eyed creatures. Apparently, I'm wrong.

It would appear that the Bible indicates that I am seated with Jesus on the throne...... What? It's because I'm His favorite that he lets me sit up there.

Lately my mind has been travelling back. I've been remembering Rafiki and all the encouraging words she had for me as I ventured through high school. All my other mothers who were constantly prophesying this and visioning that...... I wrote those things down and filed them away in my brain, but I think maybe I thought that I would become that person they envisioned..... like overnight.

Several years later, I begin to understand that a season to God is not necessarily your standard 3 month period. And character refinement can take years and years mixed with trials and heartache.

But now I remember those things. One by one I hear them in my mind and every now and then I see how one of those things came to be in my life. Some of them I can feel ruminating in my spirit. Some of them I can't see at all.



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