I thought it was broken, but it's not. My radar, that is.
I used to have the ability to zoom in on certain people. It was as though all the world was black and white, and every once in a while someone would walk by in living color, and I knew instantly that they were kindred, that I would like them, that we would have a certain mental wavelength in common. Sometimes I had the opportunity to get to know them, and guage the accuracy of my radar, and it was accurate indeed. Sometimes I didn't get that opportunity, and quite frankly, the curiosity would eat me alive.
Such was the case 5 years ago when, flipping through channels one afternoon before work, I stopped on channel 9. General Hospital. A teenage girl who was acting too well for a soap, but something else about her held my attention. I remember thinking, "That is a person of substance. I would like her." This is a ridiculous thought, because she is an actress, right? Who can draw intuition from the facade? And why does it matter?
Well friends, those of you who know me well know that I have a touch of the obsessive and so, it did matter. I became an avid General Hospital fan. For one summer, preceding my move to bible school, I watched the soap while I ate my lunch before heading to my night shift, always perturbed by this thing inside me that drew me to the strangest assortment of people. It was okay at church, even at the mall. You can walk up to those people, you can find out why they've been pointed out to you. With the TV people you have no real options. You can watch or you can turn it off. But they're real..... somewhere in the world those people are grocery shopping, or picking out drapes, or driving mercedes. They're talking to friends and they're going to work, and sometimes they're alone, and sometimes they're sad, and you have no part in any of it but for some reason they're important to you. I don't know about you, but I question God about these people. I've always considered my radar to be a gift with a purpose, so I become confused and perturbed and yes, obsessive, when I don't understand why I've been given insight and no outlet.
Well, that summer came to an end and I went off to Regina for Bible School. Sometimes in the afternoon I'd be able to tune into General Hospital but alas, the individual in question never again appeared. I forcibly put her out of my mind. After all, what else could I do. Say a prayer on her behalf and move on.
Around this time my life began demanding a lot from me, and I believe I became self absorbed. I began dealing with a lot of inner issues. I stopped hearing from my radar. The colorful people disappeared. For five years humans all looked the same. There was that girl on the sidewalk in downtown winnipeg..... Strangely enough she was dressed all in black, yet she popped out at me, and I turned to watch her walk away from me. Before I knew it she was gone, and again there was no purpose, and no resolution, and I stopped looking for them. I stopped watching the humans.
When Joan of Arcadia hit the airwaves a few years ago I was delighted to see my friend from General Hospital in the lead role, but I was unable to watch the show because of my schedule, and I had no faith in my radar. Amber Tamblyn, aka Joan of Arcadia, might have been on the radar, but the radar was frustrating and pointless. I left it alone.
Since moving back to Regina, the radar has been creeping up on me, and I didn't even notice it, but as I sit here and think about it, I can identify people...... I sensed something in them, and I got to know them and found it accurate. My perception has started to approach its previous edge.
I watched "the sisterhood of the travelling pants." There she was again. In living color. There was nothing I could do, but go buy the Joan of Arcadia Season One box set, and run a quick search on this Amber who had popped back onto my radar. I had to know what it was that kept bringing me back. I found that she had written a book of poetry. I bought the book of poetry.
The poetry is remarkable. I see now that the radar doesn't lie. Amber Tamblyn gives no outward indication that she is exactly the sort of person I would love to dialogue with. In case you're interested, the book is called "Free Stallion"
So, I am encouraged. The radar is not broken. Also I am thinking very hard, because more than ever I want to know what the radar is for, in a case like this.
Now you know what an OCD case I am. It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do. God did it. I will ask Him what it's for.
By the way, Joan of Arcadia, Amber Tambly aside, is a fantastic show with brilliant writing and great acting. It approaches questions and ideas that are really integral to (at least) my relationship with God. Watching the show feels devotional. God is speaking to me through it. I recommend it very highly. Go buy Season One.
I used to have the ability to zoom in on certain people. It was as though all the world was black and white, and every once in a while someone would walk by in living color, and I knew instantly that they were kindred, that I would like them, that we would have a certain mental wavelength in common. Sometimes I had the opportunity to get to know them, and guage the accuracy of my radar, and it was accurate indeed. Sometimes I didn't get that opportunity, and quite frankly, the curiosity would eat me alive.
Such was the case 5 years ago when, flipping through channels one afternoon before work, I stopped on channel 9. General Hospital. A teenage girl who was acting too well for a soap, but something else about her held my attention. I remember thinking, "That is a person of substance. I would like her." This is a ridiculous thought, because she is an actress, right? Who can draw intuition from the facade? And why does it matter?
Well friends, those of you who know me well know that I have a touch of the obsessive and so, it did matter. I became an avid General Hospital fan. For one summer, preceding my move to bible school, I watched the soap while I ate my lunch before heading to my night shift, always perturbed by this thing inside me that drew me to the strangest assortment of people. It was okay at church, even at the mall. You can walk up to those people, you can find out why they've been pointed out to you. With the TV people you have no real options. You can watch or you can turn it off. But they're real..... somewhere in the world those people are grocery shopping, or picking out drapes, or driving mercedes. They're talking to friends and they're going to work, and sometimes they're alone, and sometimes they're sad, and you have no part in any of it but for some reason they're important to you. I don't know about you, but I question God about these people. I've always considered my radar to be a gift with a purpose, so I become confused and perturbed and yes, obsessive, when I don't understand why I've been given insight and no outlet.
Well, that summer came to an end and I went off to Regina for Bible School. Sometimes in the afternoon I'd be able to tune into General Hospital but alas, the individual in question never again appeared. I forcibly put her out of my mind. After all, what else could I do. Say a prayer on her behalf and move on.
Around this time my life began demanding a lot from me, and I believe I became self absorbed. I began dealing with a lot of inner issues. I stopped hearing from my radar. The colorful people disappeared. For five years humans all looked the same. There was that girl on the sidewalk in downtown winnipeg..... Strangely enough she was dressed all in black, yet she popped out at me, and I turned to watch her walk away from me. Before I knew it she was gone, and again there was no purpose, and no resolution, and I stopped looking for them. I stopped watching the humans.
When Joan of Arcadia hit the airwaves a few years ago I was delighted to see my friend from General Hospital in the lead role, but I was unable to watch the show because of my schedule, and I had no faith in my radar. Amber Tamblyn, aka Joan of Arcadia, might have been on the radar, but the radar was frustrating and pointless. I left it alone.
Since moving back to Regina, the radar has been creeping up on me, and I didn't even notice it, but as I sit here and think about it, I can identify people...... I sensed something in them, and I got to know them and found it accurate. My perception has started to approach its previous edge.
I watched "the sisterhood of the travelling pants." There she was again. In living color. There was nothing I could do, but go buy the Joan of Arcadia Season One box set, and run a quick search on this Amber who had popped back onto my radar. I had to know what it was that kept bringing me back. I found that she had written a book of poetry. I bought the book of poetry.
The poetry is remarkable. I see now that the radar doesn't lie. Amber Tamblyn gives no outward indication that she is exactly the sort of person I would love to dialogue with. In case you're interested, the book is called "Free Stallion"
So, I am encouraged. The radar is not broken. Also I am thinking very hard, because more than ever I want to know what the radar is for, in a case like this.
Now you know what an OCD case I am. It's not my fault. There's nothing I can do. God did it. I will ask Him what it's for.
By the way, Joan of Arcadia, Amber Tambly aside, is a fantastic show with brilliant writing and great acting. It approaches questions and ideas that are really integral to (at least) my relationship with God. Watching the show feels devotional. God is speaking to me through it. I recommend it very highly. Go buy Season One.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home