Something's been bugging me.

Well..... a few things have been bugging me, but I think they're all related. Triggers and symptoms. Disproportionate anger and resentment and stress. Too many zits. I've spent the week in a fairly negative headspace.

Trigger? Parking ticket in front of my house. Yes that's right, I'm so talented, that I have devised a way to break the law whilst I slumber. No details for you. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it, nevertheless I will have to pay it. Too much damn infrastructure, I tell you.

This compounds the next trigger, which is financial stress.

Which reveals the real issue....... Trust.

"Trust God.... He'll provide for all your needs."
"Don't worry about anything. That's God's job"
"God provides for grass and sparrows, He'll take care of you."

Yeah, well, forgive for being heretical, but grass doesn't pay bills, and sparrows don't get parking tickets.

I have complete confidence that God will not allow me to starve to death, nor find myself homeless on the street. I do not doubt that He will provide for every one of my carnal needs...... but dare I say it? When I find myself in this position, this desperate, please help me, I'm about to wind up in collections.... when I try to trust God to provide for my financial needs, well...... I wind up further in debt and late on payments, and when I simply can't wait any longer, I find a way, I borrow some money, I pull some strings, and I do it on my own.

But these things we know about God. That He is never late. That He is ALWAYS true to His word. And if my experience with Him has been contrary to these things, then there is an obvious glitch in my perceptions.

So what is wrong with me?

I'm praying about it.

I miss the river.