Any one of us who's been in the church for any significant amount of time has heard people telling us all about how God doesn't promise us smooth sailing. He doesn't promise to shelter us from life's bumps and twists and inconveniences. Apparently, the trials of life are the manner by which He molds us into who He wants us to be, and He uses every single opportunity. These things I know and accept, and they make sense and I usually tell them to myself before anyone else gets the chance.
Today I was watching Finding Nemo with my pint-sized charge. There's that scary scene at the beginning, where the big bad fish eats the clownfish's wife and most of their eggs, a scene which I fast-forward for the little tyke. It's followed by a sad scene, where the clownfish finds the one remaining egg, names it Nemo, and promises that he will never let anything happen to him.
Aw, how sad, how sweet. I relate to that desire to protect, but I all of a sudden realized that it has absolutely no correlation with the Father heart of God. In fact, the sentiment voiced by parents and anyone else who longs to protect their loved ones is in direct opposition to the methods by which God raises His children.
This was an interesting connection in my mind, especially as someone who strives way too much to protect those I love. Not only am I not a saviour, but the Saviour Himself would not shield these people from everything. Instead He uses hardship to hone them. And in the end, all my striving is dust. Hurt comes to everyone, as much as it comes to me, and the age old question is how will we cope?
This plays into my decision-making in this stage of my life, because as I look back, my primary reasoning behind moving to Winnipeg instead of staying in Regina was to help those I love. All my supposed "help" has been nothing more than an ill-placed confidence in my ability to perform what God only is capable of. They told me I was devoted, but I see now that I was arrogant.
God lets us make decisions because He said once upon a time that that's what He would do, and God always keeps His word, and He doesn't shield us from the consequences of our actions. I don't know now whether it was right or wrong to move to Winnipeg.... I think it was right. But my motives were wrong. God taught me and blessed me while here beyond measure, regardless of my decision making prowess.
Now I have more decisions to make, and it feels wrong and selfish to say that I need to base my decision on what's best for me. Mostly, I want to be where God wants me, but I think that when God talks about having plans for our lives, it's not as simple as we make it out to be. I think there's more than one right answer, and I think that God is prepared for any half-baked direction I take. So it's hard to choose. At this point, no option feels right, or fun, or good. Right now, every option breaks my heart. One option hurts a little less than the others, and that one looks the most treacherous.
I know that I'm not alone. But it's hard not to feel that way. I'm glad I only work one job this week. I look forward to going to house group.
Today I was watching Finding Nemo with my pint-sized charge. There's that scary scene at the beginning, where the big bad fish eats the clownfish's wife and most of their eggs, a scene which I fast-forward for the little tyke. It's followed by a sad scene, where the clownfish finds the one remaining egg, names it Nemo, and promises that he will never let anything happen to him.
Aw, how sad, how sweet. I relate to that desire to protect, but I all of a sudden realized that it has absolutely no correlation with the Father heart of God. In fact, the sentiment voiced by parents and anyone else who longs to protect their loved ones is in direct opposition to the methods by which God raises His children.
This was an interesting connection in my mind, especially as someone who strives way too much to protect those I love. Not only am I not a saviour, but the Saviour Himself would not shield these people from everything. Instead He uses hardship to hone them. And in the end, all my striving is dust. Hurt comes to everyone, as much as it comes to me, and the age old question is how will we cope?
This plays into my decision-making in this stage of my life, because as I look back, my primary reasoning behind moving to Winnipeg instead of staying in Regina was to help those I love. All my supposed "help" has been nothing more than an ill-placed confidence in my ability to perform what God only is capable of. They told me I was devoted, but I see now that I was arrogant.
God lets us make decisions because He said once upon a time that that's what He would do, and God always keeps His word, and He doesn't shield us from the consequences of our actions. I don't know now whether it was right or wrong to move to Winnipeg.... I think it was right. But my motives were wrong. God taught me and blessed me while here beyond measure, regardless of my decision making prowess.
Now I have more decisions to make, and it feels wrong and selfish to say that I need to base my decision on what's best for me. Mostly, I want to be where God wants me, but I think that when God talks about having plans for our lives, it's not as simple as we make it out to be. I think there's more than one right answer, and I think that God is prepared for any half-baked direction I take. So it's hard to choose. At this point, no option feels right, or fun, or good. Right now, every option breaks my heart. One option hurts a little less than the others, and that one looks the most treacherous.
I know that I'm not alone. But it's hard not to feel that way. I'm glad I only work one job this week. I look forward to going to house group.
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